Hello, It's another
exciting time on your favourite talkshow - Familia
Family Talk-show with Mr. & Mrs. Adams.
Today, we shall be
discussing about Malice in homes especially among married couples and its
negative effects.
What is Malice?
Malice can be defined as a
deliberate act or desire to inflict injury, harm or suffering to another person
because of ill feelings towards the other.
The shortest definition - Malice simply means silent aggression. Malice can
be broken down into three levels - Partial malice, Semi-malice and Full malice.
v Partial malice: For
example, where the man continues to meet his responsibilities, like giving
money for housekeeping, dropping his wife at work, etc, but normal conversation
is restricted to innuendoes and communication only occurs when it is absolutely
necessary.
v Semi-malice: For example, where
the couple resort to communication in writing or using the children as go-between;
and
v Full malice: which refers to a
total breakdown in communication. Here, the couple do not relate at all and
everyone goes his or her way, doing his or her own thing.
When you feel misunderstood or you
are being taken advantage of in your relationship.
when you lack accordance with your
partner.
when we feel that our partner
dominates us at all the time.
If you feel that whatever you say
is misinterpreted and not taken as you meant it.
When you find yourself weak and
impotent to confront your partner over his/her mistakes.
Suspicion of shallow character of
your partner.
Aversion to have sexual relations
with your partner.
You have a fear that your
significant other is being disloyal, deceptive or misleading you.
Either your partner or you or both
of you are envious of each other.
Certain pressure or obligation
makes you speechless before your partner.
It seems like you have made bad
choices in relationships and now it has developed into disgusting feelings
about partner's habits.
You find your out wavelength
cannot be tuned to your partner's.
You find yourself weak in
communication and often get the wrong impression when you try to communicate
with your partner.
You find out your relationship is worsened by constant
misunderstandings over a period time.
Any way you look at it, malice is an
assault on the peaceful ambience of the home. It often:
1- Leads
to emotional distress and all kinds of psychopathic illnesses,
2- Lays
the foundation for psychologically disadvantaged children, and
3- Silently
chokes the life and fun out of marriages.
4- Insanity becomes order of day.
5- Aggressiveness rules over everything.
6- One party becomes a dummy (deaf & dumb)
No wonder the Bible says, “For where
envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work” (James 3:16).
At the end of the day, the question usually is, “Was it worth it?”
Now, most times, when malice is
allowed to gain ground in the home, it is because people seek revenge, when
offended, instead of threading the path of forgiveness and peace.
No wonder Bob Deffinbaugh said, “…the
cure for bitterness and malice and all of its fruits is forgiveness.” As the
apostle Paul enjoins, “…in malice be babes, but in understanding be mature”
(1 Corinthians 14:20).
SOLUTIONS:
2. BE OPEN / BEAR OUT YOUR MIND ALWAYS:
When you keep malice, you often
pass across the wrong message and your spouse will likely respond wrongly
because he or she has no way of knowing the depth of the wrong or presumed
wrong you are reacting to. This further aggravates the situation as you will
feel taken for granted. So it’s better to just open up, discuss and clarify
the issues in order to avoid your partner misunderstanding or getting
irritated by your silence.
Although
low self-esteem and submissiveness are at times an integral part of a healthy
marriage relationship, there are many life events where a dominating person
puts another person's happiness ahead of their own at all costs. A person
preferring adjustable nature believes that, if you want a relationship to
endure and nourish, you have to give in and act as if that your better half is
"absolutely right!" and you are (-as always) "perfectly
mistaken!" Such attitudes often result in a long, unhappy existence with
loved one (?) that usually ends on a very unsatisfying note.
Persistent misunderstandings between couples leads to psychological separation
and ultimately divorce. It is a multi-year process that begins when one or both
mates feels that they had choose the wrong person to wed, for the wrong
reason/s, at the wrong time! Disturbances in the thought field (mental make-up)
cause imbalance in the energy system, which triggers a sequence of
physiological activities (body) that culminates in ill-health or unhealthy body
and mind condition.
Years of increasing stress, frustration, distrust, declining respect,
ineffective communication, and disillusionments between mates debilitate tender
marriage bonds. Pre-divorce period also include attempts to heal the marriage
with various remedies, including counseling. Seeing a counselor about
relationship definitely has its benefits. A counselor can sometimes help both
partners to identify the situations that have caused misunderstanding and
disagreements and ask them to modify their thinking processes. But it can't
always easily help them in eliminating the inner cause; apart the process can
be quite uncomfortable and challenging. Either of the partner might also be
reluctant to go with other, making it a one-sided intervention offering little
real help in changing the relationship for the better. Sometimes the problem
with counseling is that it is often a long, costly and painful process and
sometimes creates a dependent relationship with the counselor. Once again,
unless both partners are willing to attend and take responsibility for change,
the success rate can be disappointing.
This phase may ends with one mate moving out or calling a lawyer. God forbid!
Backed by the HOLY SPIRIT
& THE CHURCH, We offer counseling and family therapy sessions: - Its a One
on One Consultation. we are known for simplicity, efficiency, and
noticeable results. The results will often seem pretty miraculous and far
beyond than you could ever achieve with any other tool or training available
today for eliminating behavioral
Hello, It's another
exciting time on your favourite talkshow - Familia
Family Talk-show with Mr. & Mrs. Adams.
Today, we shall be
discussing about Malice in homes especially among married couples and its
negative effects.
What is Malice?
Malice can be defined as a
deliberate act or desire to inflict injury, harm or suffering to another person
because of ill feelings towards the other.
The shortest definition - Malice simply means silent aggression. Malice can
be broken down into three levels - Partial malice, Semi-malice and Full malice.
v Partial malice: For
example, where the man continues to meet his responsibilities, like giving
money for housekeeping, dropping his wife at work, etc, but normal conversation
is restricted to innuendoes and communication only occurs when it is absolutely
necessary.
v Semi-malice: For example, where
the couple resort to communication in writing or using the children as go-between;
and
v Full malice: which refers to a
total breakdown in communication. Here, the couple do not relate at all and
everyone goes his or her way, doing his or her own thing.
|
|
When you feel misunderstood or you
are being taken advantage of in your relationship.
|
|
|
when you lack accordance with your
partner.
|
|
|
when we feel that our partner
dominates us at all the time.
|
|
|
If you feel that whatever you say
is misinterpreted and not taken as you meant it.
|
|
|
When you find yourself weak and
impotent to confront your partner over his/her mistakes.
|
|
|
Suspicion of shallow character of
your partner.
|
|
|
Aversion to have sexual relations
with your partner.
|
|
|
You have a fear that your
significant other is being disloyal, deceptive or misleading you.
|
|
|
Either your partner or you or both
of you are envious of each other.
|
|
|
Certain pressure or obligation
makes you speechless before your partner.
|
|
|
It seems like you have made bad
choices in relationships and now it has developed into disgusting feelings
about partner's habits.
|
|
|
You find your out wavelength
cannot be tuned to your partner's.
|
|
|
You find yourself weak in
communication and often get the wrong impression when you try to communicate
with your partner.
|
|
|
You find out your relationship is worsened by constant
misunderstandings over a period time.
NEGATIVE
EFFECTS OF MALICE:
Any way you look at it, malice is an
assault on the peaceful ambience of the home. It often:
1- Leads
to emotional distress and all kinds of psychopathic illnesses,
2- Lays
the foundation for psychologically disadvantaged children, and
3- Silently
chokes the life and fun out of marriages.
4- Insanity becomes order of day. 5- Aggressiveness rules over everything. 6- One party becomes a dummy (deaf & dumb)
No wonder the Bible says, “For where
envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work” (James 3:16).
At the end of the day, the question usually is, “Was it worth it?”
Now, most times, when malice is
allowed to gain ground in the home, it is because people seek revenge, when
offended, instead of threading the path of forgiveness and peace.
No wonder Bob Deffinbaugh said, “…the
cure for bitterness and malice and all of its fruits is forgiveness.” As the
apostle Paul enjoins, “…in malice be babes, but in understanding be mature”
(1 Corinthians 14:20).
Many
are familiar with the scripture but are not practical with it.
SOLUTIONS:
1. FORGIVE
Learn how to handle offences or
disagreements without resorting to strife and emotional manipulation or
injury. Those who learn to forgive and are in the habit of constantly
forgiving their spouses will of necessity have better relationships or homes
than others.
2. BE OPEN / BEAR OUT YOUR MIND ALWAYS:
When you keep malice, you often
pass across the wrong message and your spouse will likely respond wrongly
because he or she has no way of knowing the depth of the wrong or presumed
wrong you are reacting to. This further aggravates the situation as you will
feel taken for granted. So it’s better to just open up, discuss and clarify
the issues in order to avoid your partner misunderstanding or getting
irritated by your silence.
|
Although
low self-esteem and submissiveness are at times an integral part of a healthy
marriage relationship, there are many life events where a dominating person
puts another person's happiness ahead of their own at all costs. A person
preferring adjustable nature believes that, if you want a relationship to
endure and nourish, you have to give in and act as if that your better half is
"absolutely right!" and you are (-as always) "perfectly
mistaken!" Such attitudes often result in a long, unhappy existence with
loved one (?) that usually ends on a very unsatisfying note.
Persistent misunderstandings between couples leads to psychological separation and ultimately divorce. It is a multi-year process that begins when one or both mates feels that they had choose the wrong person to wed, for the wrong reason/s, at the wrong time! Disturbances in the thought field (mental make-up) cause imbalance in the energy system, which triggers a sequence of physiological activities (body) that culminates in ill-health or unhealthy body and mind condition.
Years of increasing stress, frustration, distrust, declining respect, ineffective communication, and disillusionments between mates debilitate tender marriage bonds. Pre-divorce period also include attempts to heal the marriage with various remedies, including counseling. Seeing a counselor about relationship definitely has its benefits. A counselor can sometimes help both partners to identify the situations that have caused misunderstanding and disagreements and ask them to modify their thinking processes. But it can't always easily help them in eliminating the inner cause; apart the process can be quite uncomfortable and challenging. Either of the partner might also be reluctant to go with other, making it a one-sided intervention offering little real help in changing the relationship for the better. Sometimes the problem with counseling is that it is often a long, costly and painful process and sometimes creates a dependent relationship with the counselor. Once again, unless both partners are willing to attend and take responsibility for change, the success rate can be disappointing.
This phase may ends with one mate moving out or calling a lawyer. God forbid!
Divine Backup:
Backed by the HOLY SPIRIT
& THE CHURCH, We offer counseling and family therapy sessions: - Its a One
on One Consultation. we are known for simplicity, efficiency, and
noticeable results. The results will often seem pretty miraculous and far
beyond than you could ever achieve with any other tool or training available
today for eliminating behavioral
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