Discovering
that her husband has had an affair is one of the most difficult news any wife has to
face. The information can come in different ways. A husband may
tell his wife he doesn’t love her anymore and is in a relationship with someone
else. Maybe she finds out about it when checking bills, his cell phone or
his emails. Sometimes she hears about it through people who have seen him
together with the other woman in public, or sometimes she suspects it because
he is cold and distant but he continually denies it.
God
had a wonderful plan that marriage would be a beautiful experience of
friendship, companionship and faithfulness. However, because of sin in
our world even Christians fall into the temptation of being unfaithful in their
marriage relationship.
Often
before an affair happens there may be signs that all is not well in the
marriage. It may be that there is coldness in the relationship, a lack of
intimacy, a growing apart and an increase in arguments and disagreements. This
change in the relationship may lead to the affair or may be the result of the
affair. If the relationship has deteriorated but the husband is not
involved with another woman a wife can make a difference at this point by
making an effort to show love to her husband, doing her part to rebuild the
relationship and by opening the topic of conversation regarding their marriage
and how it can be improved. Seeing a counselor can be helpful if there
seems to be a stalemate in the relationship and nothing seems to help. Looking
to God for wisdom and help will always bring new life to a struggling marriage.
What
does a wife do when she finds out about the affair? If her husband admits
to the affair and is sorry about what happened they can embark on the journey
of healing and rebuilding the marriage. It is important that he
acknowledges that this is sin that he repents of his actions and is ready to
completely break off the relationship. He will have to be ready to answer
many questions which will be a part of the healing process for his wife.
She must be careful what she wants to know. Asking for many specific
details may leave pictures and memories that will stick in her mind for
years to come and make it difficult for her to get over the affair.
The
healing or rebuilding journey will require a focus on open communication,
understanding, forgiveness and rebuilding trust. Some of these aspects of
the rebuilding process can take time and be difficult. It will require
making a choice to forgive even if the feeling to forgive isn’t there.
Rebuilding trust will take place one little step at a time. If God is a
part of the relationship His forgiveness and His grace will be an important
part of the healing process.
What
if her husband admits to the affair but does not want to break off the
relationship with the other woman? This puts his wife in a
difficult position. Some may think, not saying anything, being patient
and loving while hoping he will break it off, may bring him to that
point. It will probably only give him freedom to continue. Being
critical, judgmental and nagging him about it will cause him to withdraw even
more and give him a desire to spend more time with the other woman since
that is a safe and friendly place to be. Sometimes wives panic when they
think of what this will mean for them and they turn to an approach of begging,
pleading, holding on and even blaming themselves. These approaches rarely
bring the desired results.
It
becomes important for a wife in such a situation to confront her husband on
this issue, but how she does it will make all the difference. This
confrontation should only come after spending much time in prayer to make sure
her attitude is right. An attitude of love and quiet confidence will gain
the respect of her husband. Such an attitude can only come as she depends on
the Lord for strength. She should also seek the help of a mature
Christian to support her during this time. In confronting him she would
give him the freedom to leave while showing him that this choice would mean
losing his wife, home, family and reputation. Giving him an
ultimatum forces him to make a decision resulting in major consequences.
A
loving but tough confrontation not only will result in the wife respecting
herself but will also cause her husband to respect her for how she is handling
the situation. The confidence, inner strength and loving attitude that he will
observe in his wife can reawaken the love and respect he once had for her thus
making it more likely that it would put him on the path to return to her.
There
is hope even when a husband has an affair. Hope comes in turning to the
Lord. He is a God of second chances and can bring healing and restoration
where there is repentance after an affair. Following God’s leading to
offer forgiveness and letting His love fill that broken relationship can bring
new life to a marriage. God gives strength and confidence when a wife faces the
difficult task of confronting her husband. In Isaiah 30:15 we read,
“In quietness and
confidence shall be your strength”.
God
also convicts of sin and can make a husband feel empty and miserable as he
continues in his unfaithfulness. Should a husband choose not to turn from his
wayward ways, God promises to care for that wife as she trusts in Him. He
will open new doors for her, give her wisdom to make the right decision, supply
strength for every day and will be her companion in times of
loneliness. Prayer brings God into every situation and when He
comes He brings hope.
Would
you like to know God and have him walking beside you, helping you, as you go
through this tough journey? You can begin this personal relationship with
God today if you sincerely want Him to give you direction from now on.
Why
don’t you ask Jesus Christ to come into your life,
“Lord
Jesus, I need You! I am hurting, confused, feel rejected and emotionally
scarred. Will you please come into my life, forgive my sins ,heal my body, soul
and spirit and walk beside me as I walk through this tough journey. Would
you please direct my life from now on? Thank you! Amen”
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