More and more people are investing
time and money in pornography. Billions of dollars are invested each year
worldwide! With most investments the ROI, Return on
Investment is considered. Let’s consider the ROI of
porn in the context of a relationship.
So what does pornography bring to a relationship?
Unrealistic Expectations: The exploit is staged in the “perfect” setting to
stimulate arousal. The roles are played by over endowed actors that represent a
fraction of the population. Your current partner has little to no chance to
meet the expectations. Reality cannot compete with airbrushed photos or perfect
lighting and exact camera angles. Porn creates an appetite for something that
does not exist in the real world. There is no chance of satisfaction. Which
leads to the second thing porn brings to a relationship…
Dissatisfaction: When the mental picture you have of any situation is not
consistent with reality the result is dissatisfaction. This dissatisfaction
could go in a couple different directions.
Isolations and Self
Gratification: One direction motivated by dissatisfaction can be a
retreat deeper into the artificial world of porn. This is accompanied with a
greater level of fantasy and self gratification through masturbation.
Restless Opportunism: Another direction dissatisfaction can head is toward
seeking out in the physical world what is portrayed digitally. This
restlessness looks for opportunities to experiment with new levels of
gratification within existing relationship or with a new relationship. This
becomes a vicious cycle that creates an insatiable
appetite that wants more; leading to affairs, prostitution or
sexual violence.
ROI in pornography leads
to relational and sexual
bankruptcy! Pornography brings nothing good to the relationship. People
become the objects of sexual gratification, this destroys intimacy. The
practice and mind set created will eventually destroy your relationships.
Paradoxically, it can and does seriously hamper normal sexual satisfaction in
the long run, because of the destroyed intimacy.
Suggestions
for Porn users: STOP. Easier
said than done! Here are some practical steps.
1. Decide WHY you
want to stop. List the positive reasons and results. Create a Clear
Mental Picture
2. Play the film forward. Where would
continued involvement lead? Do you like the destination?
3. Tell someone what’s going on and
that you would like to stop. Begin Accountability, (NOT with your spouse
that is WAY too much pressure on your relationship.)
4. Develop a Plan. What steps will you
take and what do you want the other person to do to keep you accountable. Plan
could include:
a). Computer software linked to your accountability partner. Decide how the accountability will work.i) Can you call at anytime? (Clarify
a). Computer software linked to your accountability partner. Decide how the accountability will work.i) Can you call at anytime? (Clarify
anytime,
3:00 a.m.?)
ii) How often will you check in with your accountability partner?
c) Add your own unique
step to your plan
5. If that does not work
then seek out a Porn Addiction/Accountability program.
- Spiritual Foundations: God provides a foundation of forgiveness and love that can
fill deep longing for fulfilment and love. To read more about
spiritual foundations:
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